Great Expectations

Since Micah was born, I have struggled a lot with setting very high expectations for myself. I am a self proclaimed perfectionist and many times, that gets the best of me. I want everything to be perfect, planned, scheduled, etc. I won't ever just let myself sit down and relax during the day. I feel like if I have a free moment, I should fill it up with something. I love having hobbies, but sometimes it feels like I have more hobbies than I have time for and I have my hand in so many little things that I feel frantic! A perfect example is Micah's first birthday party. I started planning it at least 6 months in advance and started buying things for it. I designed the invitations & thank you's, I made the decorations, and I had planned on making the cake. Of course, I picked a cake out of a book that had 10 million parts to it and 3 days before the party was up late trying to make an elephant out of gum paste. After 3 hours, I threw the elephant away (I am no sculpture artist) and started panicking about getting the cake done. I wouldn't listen to the voice of reason that said, "just make an easier cake"; it had to be perfect. Well, if you were at the party, you know that I ended up caving and ordering a cake from a bakery instead of making it. If you know me well, you know that I still get mad at myself when I think about it for not finishing the cake. I also get mad at myself all the time for the stupidest things (the loaf of bread being too flat) and I get really mad at myself every time I get frustrated with Micah. I have a hard time thinking rationally, like "being a parent is just frustrating sometimes"... yea that voice of reason is quickly pushed away by the voice of expectation that says "you should have more patience than that". I used to read Proverbs 31 and think, I want to be that wife (click to read it if you don't know what I'm talking about). I take everything it says to the extreme and immediately get overwhelmed that it's not possible. Instead of leaning on the Lord to guide me serving my family how He would want me to, I put unrealistic pressure on myself and then lean on myself to follow through.

The bottom line is that I expect too much from me when nobody else does. I let Satan whisper in my ear and tell me how I'm not doing a good job & I need to do more & he inevitably sets me up for failure. I pretend that I am "just trying to do what Proverbs 31 says "... when really I forget that Jesus would never set me up to fail. He would never put expectations in place that I couldn't meet.

Anyway, my mom gave me this article to read and I really liked it. I am by no means as much of an overachiever as the author of the article, but I get stuck in the same rut as her. In talking about a Proverbs 31 woman, this is one thing she says:

"She's so capable that she's intimidating! As a wise older woman once told me, though, the Proverbs 31 woman does it all—but she doesn't do it all in one day. She's the model of genuine poise and grace, not a frantic maniac. She strives for excellence, but to the advantage of her family, not at its expense."

That said it so clearly for me. I think I am the frantic maniac more often than not and even though I think I am putting my family first, I am really putting myself and other people's perceptions first. I will continue to seek what it means to be a Proverbs 31 wife & mother... but I hope to put less pressure on myself in the process.

So, be encouraged Mamas, you DON'T have to do it all!