It always amazes me how bad my attitude can get after 1 or 2 "bad" days with Micah. He has really been pushing the limits lately. Throwing temper tantrums (home and out), refusing to eat, not listening to the word no, and then hitting when he gets upset (just me and David as far as we know). Yesterday we had to open up the discipline conversation and that is really intimidating and overwhelming to me. To spank or not to spank? Time out or no time out? To send to their room or not? So many questions. I guess so far parenting has been a breeze compared to what it is about to become. I am terrified of being the bad guy but know that I can't have a child that walks all over me. I want to be a "good" mom but what does that even mean anyway? *sigh* Again, so overwhelming. If you have any reading suggestions, I would greatly appreciate them! I think I am going to start with Dare to Discipline. I have heard it is very good and helpful. I am also realizing that it is a highly controversial book too but I love James Dobson so I trust him.
Anyway, back to the reason of this post. Today has been a good day, a really good day with my sweet toddler. I love days like today... I need days like today. If every day was like yesterday, it would be really tough. But days like today, good days, are complete confirmation to me that staying home with Micah and all the bad days are more then worth it. Today, Micah woke up in a great mood, ate a big breakfast and then just played around while I cleaned. He helped me give Riley a bath (which he thought was very funny) and then took a 2 hour morning nap while I finished cleaning. He then got up and ate a great lunch and played until his afternoon nap. We read books, danced around to music on my iphone, and played with his toys. He is now down for his afternoon nap (no he is not down to 1 yet). Just the fact that he has eaten 2 good meals is exciting to me but all of that combined makes my day.
I love good days.
Micah was happy he got to Skype with his Aunt Nat!! :)
ReplyDeletei am a big believer in choices and consitency. its hard, but way worth it!
ReplyDeleteCan’t say what we will do, but I’m pretty sure we’ll spank. We got the wooden spoon from my mom. My dad was a big softie, so he would try to “spank” us with his light-weight flip flop. I think all three of us turned out okay. Ha! Whatever you and David decide will be intentional and prayerful. Wishing you the best- can’t wait for all the advice when we have kiddos!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a fan of spanking in general (it doesn't do much teaching other than the fact that hitting suddenly becomes okay when it's mommy and daddy, or in their eyes, someone bigger than you, doing it) and I'm very against it for kids younger than 3-4. I don't think a two-year-old has the capacity to understand and remember all the rules and a big part of their job at that age is to push things and figure out where the boundaries are (again and again and again). We have very firm boundaries on actions involving safety or public behavior, but when he breaks those rules there is removal from the situation and a reminder of what the rule is. I just don't believe he's being "bad", at least not yet, he's testing and exploring and frequently frustrated or tired. Nothing that seems appropriate for punishment.
ReplyDeleteAs far as tantrums go, man were those bad for a while! Luckily they've gotten much better in the past few months. I've read that most tantrums are a result of frustration at not being able to understand or affect their world the way they want to. It's also a scary thing for them to lose control of themselves like that, so you're not supposed to just leave them alone to deal with it- I don't think they can calm down as quickly at that age on their own. Our solution was to haul a screaming, writhing Landon out to our big landing step (the future "time out" area), and stay near him but not playing with him or talking to him while he calms down. Once he was no longer completely beside himself, we'd read a book, talk about how unhelpful the screaming was, and/or cuddle and go do something else. It seemed to help the fastest. As he gets older maybe we'll give him more room to calm down and not sit with him, but right now, I think he still needs us nearby, he seems to get really scared when we just leave him like that.
So that's my long-winded answer. Basically, at this age, we have absolute rules but more of a reminder/removal response than a punishment. That will evolve as he gets older, but I'm philosophically opposed to corporal punishment for young kids. I don't think it does any lasting damage or anything like that, it just seems like there's better ways to teach right and wrong than inflicting a "wrong" action on them (i.e. hitting, etc.).
Oh and love the new blog layout and name, I wish mine looked half as pretty!
ReplyDeleteWhile far from the possibility of parenthood - I know kids actually do crave discipline. Micah Man is testing what he can get away with. Id show him that there is nothing he can get away with.
ReplyDeleteI cannot actually remember ever being hit by "the paddle" but my parents definitely used fear that it would be used. The end result was normally being sent to my room. Every action has a consequence.
I know you will find the right solution for you, but I mean - who do you know more well adjusted than I? Something to consider...
I would instill fear. The last thing you want is for Micah to think you getting angry is funny. My Mom-not much as a disciplinarian. My sister and I always had to bite our lip from laughing when she was scolding us. Probably not the way you want to go out...